fades

everything over time fades. it all goes away. gradually then suddenly. like they said in prozac nation. lizzie was quoting some book i don’t remember the name of. she said that line described the start of depression well or something along the lines of that. i completely agree. one day you do just wake up and want to die. all the hope and joy you once had for your life is just gone. of course you have moments of happiness but it fades. it all fades, everything, your aspirations and love for life you might once of had. life starts to become meaningless it all has no purpose, being alive is worse than death or what you might think death may feel like. but at least for me the depression starts to fade of course thanks to zoloft and therapy. now instead of happiness fading in and out it’s sadness that comes and goes, it switched places. despite bad things happening to me i’ve still been able to maintain a positive outlook on life and i’m no longer as pessimistic as i was months prior. that pessimism has faded as well, now optimism comes in. relationships fade the most for me. years of friendship and trust just falls apart and drifts away like it never mattered, once i realize it’s leaving it’s too late to try and rescue it. i was oblivious to when it was fading that when it did leave i was stuck in a stage of confusion then the realization sinks in. the problems where here since the beginning but i was too naive to see what was going on, truly oblivious. constantly stuck in my own mind, my imagination where everything is ok and any problem is just not that big of a deal, i brush it off hoping it fades away like everything else but it doesn’t. it’ll never truly fade like i hope it will.