i disappointed him again which i've been doing a lot recently and i fucking hate myself so much because of it. i want to stop but idk how. i told him i accidently flashed my friend today and he got mad. he got really mad yesterday. i saw her again and i filled me with jealously all over again. i thought i got over it but i obviously haven't. i'm still trying to figue out why i'm so jealous of a terrible person. she cheated on him and why do i feel so lame compared to her? shouldn't it be the other way around? i wish i had answers. i think i feel this way because she was his first serious girlfriend and his first time fucking. he was my first kiss and all i could think about was how her lips were on his mouth.her hands all over his body. all the pictures they had together, all the dates they went on. it feels me with jealouly and envy. i need to stop fucking things up but it all happens so fast. i say or do one thing and everything goes to shit.