i can never say i hate him, i just can't because i know i don't. i split on him for the first time today and fuck i regret it so much. i don't wanna say why because i'm just gonna have another episode if i do. i talked it out with a friend which definitely helped a lot. i'm so glad she's there for me. today was pretty boring anyway, i had a shower and went on a walk. i also helped my dad build a dresser and i made dinner. i have a philosophy exam on tuesday which i gotta study for. it's a philosophical exam, i'm really not excited for it but whatever. at least this semester is over. i know from now on when i get upset like i did i will write about how i feel instead of splitting on him. it's his birthday today.