i love him i really do thats why i do these disgusting fucking things. its all for him. i'm just so scared of being too much for him. he says he wants me to be addicted to him but does he really? if he does than thats great i guess. better than him wanting some nonchalant girl. i should def tell my therapist about this and the toughts i'm having and the things i've done but it all sounds so bad and he isn't a bad guy at all. idk what to do. it's been 3 months since me and my first "boyfriend" broke up. idk if i mentioned this before but me and him were only together for 6 days. he doesn't count it as a relationship but i do since it was my first. he was my first kiss too. me and him don't talk anymore. the breakup was really hard for me. it made me lose hope all over again. i wanted to die all over again.