i really hope it happens for real this time. i can't keep staying this way anymore. i used to praise my virginity but what does it matter? it doesn't make me a better or worse of a person. i like doing anything for him even disgusting vile almost dehumanizing things. it somehow makes me feel alive. yk how ppl like jump off cliffs and shit to feel alive? it's like that. i highly doubt anyone is reading these entries lol